Waiting On Unanswered Prayers..

When you pray fervently with all your heart.. knowing that He has said .. Ask.. Ask anything in my name and you shall recieve it.. But when you ask it doesn’t  happen.. You go running to the door of heaven because He has said knock and it will be opened to you.. But you feel that you’ve been knocking till your knuckles are bruised.. When you have outrageous faith to move mountains.. many believers question your faith and even you yourself are at times astonished by your faith but you don’t doubt because you know the one you are looking to is more than capable… He has said let it be done to you according to your faith so you know what you are expecting for in faith will happen in that moment you’ve asked for it to and you, full of hope look beyond the storm to the horizon but all is still …. What do you do? Dissappiontment starts to rush in.. You know the Lord is real, i have seen Him with my eyes.. I know He is all powerful.. There are many testimonies in my life. So ..You Wait … You wait patiently on the Lord.. “It is not for you to know the times or seasons that the Father has fixed by His own authority…”

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Overcoming the waters

Its been a while since i have been able to get a blog post entry in. I have been upon the rock, my fortress, my God taking refuge in Him. Something i had been praying against for a few years actually occured a few weeks ago, it may sound minor but the powers of darkness accompined my mother in law and travled here from the middle east. Many who heard of it and know how my life has unfolded questioned the Lord for it..mom said where is God in your life? .. “On the throne ofcourse..” 

There is nothing minor when the enemy come crouching at your door.. But Gods spirit is great, one breath and many workers of iniquity fall trembling .. Though i had never given much attention to warfare.. the Lord has led me to continous verses about the wicked and their down fall, the victory of Gods children. 
To be contined..

The power of testimony to crush the enemy’s head.

A few weeks ago i woke up with a dream in which i saw just this title.. “The power of testimony to crush the enemy’s head..” I was going for somethig more subtle but ok Lord, that works.

On Sunday mornings, most believers casually wake up and get dressed to go to church. In this season of life, i have to seek the Lord before i can take such a step because i am persecuted for my faith. Many a times i have felt like a thief sneaking out of my own house and often as if i am making a run for my life, in such a flash i step out the door before i can be seen or heard.

The previous outburst over my attending church was in my previous writing titled “His love is better than life”. Since then God has carefully planned when and where i go… the first time back since the incident, was when i recieved an invitation to a church because a speaker, a man of God with a great annointing for healing miracles, from my very own nation in the middle east was coming as a guest speaker. As i sat down in prayer, casting my anxities to the Lord, i had a vision of a camping tent and then rain.. the Lord spoke to me in such a way that i will go to a friends house the night before, i will be “camping out” and it will rain so i will tell my spouse i could not make it back. And so i followed..  My spouse msged some angry words via text msg but then all was calm. The Lord has a sense of humor, this we know, as all night i could hear frogs croaking thru the window.. I could barely sleep.. So it was like camping.

The next morning at service, the guest speaker shared his testimony. He said of his family from a muslim background, his grandfather was the first convert. Though he was raised in a christian home, he didn’t care for “religion” he said he had a praying mother and one day he was working in his office and he was encountered by Jesus. He saw himself covered in murky black mud and the Lord cleansing him, he began to speak in tongues for 3 hours. The staff took him to the hospital where the nurses gave him injections as they thought he’d lost it (all happened in the middle east) but he continued to supernaturally speak in tongues. This vision changed his life and he now has a ministry in which the Lord uses him to bring in thousands of muslim souls into the kingdom.

The second time the Lord spoke to me about attending a service was when Benny Hinn was visiting town. It was on a weekend during the night.. seemed impossible that i would be able to get out of the house but one day my spouse said some work has come up and i will be out of town.. I prayed Lord let it be the week of the conference and it was exactly the day of the conference that he left for his trip. However, we know what God says about fear, it is the opposite of the spirit of love and power that we have been given.. When i was going to the Benny Hinn service i felt nervous, some fear was trying to clutter my thoughts. While i was driving and as i took my seat at the service i had many missed calls from my spouse. 

When i walked into the indoor stadium, i felt uncomfertable and i could sense the spirit of infirmity like a thick cloud. I know many were delivered from all kinds of sickness that night.. as i sat in my chair with wandering thoughts asking the Lord where i should sit through the whole service. About an hour or so later my mother starting calling.. So i stepped out and i decided to not finish and just drive back home, an hour away. I called my spouse back, his first question was where are you? I said i came to church. He said ok im going out to eat with co-workers talk to you later and that was the end of it. From this the Lord spoke to me and said “when i lead you to do something, go all the way, push for it, go with everything and i will take care of the rest”. Over and over the Lord confirmed this to me.

Recently, i went to a one day womens conference that the Lord had been showing me to attend. This time i was persecuted, though i was able to leave the children with my mother and sneak out of the house just in time.. My spouses verbal abuse thru text msgs sent, left nothing to an imaginative limit that any woman would ever want to hear said to her. The verbal attack caused hurt and brokeness but i felt the Lord say go on because i told you to go, i have prepared the way for you.. My angels and my spirit will be a guard over all else. So i confidently went.. I feel like apart of me was deeply impacted by the conference in which the persecuted church of the middle east was also a topic. 

Taking my eyes off my circumstances and putting them on my Lord.. taking His hand to walk above the waters. 

A rich eternity of glory awaits..

Money can buy a lot of things, a life of luxury at times added fame. Some people say money can buy happiness, i guess temporarily and if happiness is a thing and comes from things, sure.. but how many, until when and how much. Sure, i feel happy when i have nice things but it doesnt encompass the entirety of my joy because the moment someone speaks harsly or a loved one is in need my joy shifts in a need for comfort. I know that many a times happiness can flow from circumstances that can come our way from life. Now money is not a bad thing, infact many a times its a great blessing straight from the hand of God as long as we dont serve it and know Him as the provider. Today as i drove up in front of the emergency room (for one of the children) in my nice new luxury car, i did not feel any greater fortunate than anyone else who may have been at the hospital. But i knew one thing, there is something no money on this earth or off can buy and that which can only come from Jesus, salvation. Theres only one, who when my eyes are fixed upon my joy is unshakeable. No ones word comforted me more than the sticker on the wall of our room which said Hope for the Kingdom. My child looked at me and said “Mamma, why did God allow this to happen?” So, i told him “to give you authority over it, any infirmity is not from the Lord but He surely uses it for the good and for His glory”. No matter how any circumstance wants to change our hearts or effect our thoughts there is a great joy which isn’t a thing that’ll fade. There is an eternity of it, knowing without a doubt that you have been freed of your sins and an eternity with your God awaits you in His presence you shall live!

  

Thank you God for an abundance of blessings! Let me remember that things do not make me who i am. I am in you and you are in me.. My identity comes from the words you speak over me. With you, i have everything and without you all is a waste.

Gods love surpasses human understanding..

My aunt is visiting from the middle east, being raised muslim, she looked at my mother and i asking “have you really left Islam?.. Well everybody back home knows, you know…” 

Mother was not so fond of the idea however i felt excited for the fame Jesus was recieving. I went back to the middle east a few years ago & shared my testimony with one relative, unaware until now, that it spread like fire amongst our relatives.. Unable to confirm, they seem to have just been asking eachother questions about the truth of the matter. One of my cousins behind my back said something like “We kill people and its an honor for such a thing”.. he is this aunt’s youngest son who spoke this. I was not afraid for my life while i was there. I am not afraid, I am a co heir with Christ.

Within a week of her visit, we gave her the gospel, she came to church with my mother, an elderly couple sat behind them and said we were praying for her and saw the Holy Spirit around her. And then it happened.. As one night my mother shared the gospel with her, my aunt had a vision of Jesus, Lord and King. She said she saw a man, like washed with milk was the glory on Him, with hair to His shoulders and eyes like fire. That night at 1:30 am i recieved a call from my mother telling me that a miracle had taken place. Yet, my aunts response to this had been “I need to look further into Islam” .. I said God what kind of people are these? They see you yet do not believe and He said I was among them and they did not believe.

Today has been a difficult day for me with my spouse. I’ve been asking the spirit to fill me with the fulllness of God! God who is so merciful, to be full of love and compassion and forgivness knowing that my spouse has been forgiven by the blood shed by Jesus on the cross. 

When i first came to the Lord and would get more severly persecuted than now… Sometimes i would close my eyes and see Jesus on the cross saying “I died for him” (about whomever was persecuting). And a peace would rush through me leaving me calm and still. The hardest and most painful thing in my walk with the Lord has been hearing things spoken against Him, i have a heart for the church and things spoken against the body hurt also but thats another topic. Tonight my spouse said something about Jesus and every part of my spirit and soul cried out to the Lord in pain over the words spoken against my king and i said God how can you love this man? God your heart is SO big, truly your love surpasses human understanding. 

The God who speaks to the human heart..

Before sunrise, I awoke, jumped to my feet and took out a small prayer rug to pray, to bow down on, to my creator. As a muslim, my heart was prostrate towards God with the utmost honor and reverence. As I prayed and recited repetitive arabic verses, a langauge i did not fully understand but knew it to be the language of god and the angles, one he was pleased to hear. I remember praying the same prayers for years at the end of my time on my prayer rug, unknowingly uncertain if i was pleasing enough to the one who heard me. If my arabic was good and perfect enough to be loved by his ears, but at the end, i could only pray in english or my native language. There were many prayers that would come to pass but they were always in an exchange of a plead like Allah if you do this, i will do this for you (ie: good deeds or more devotion). Then there were other prayers that would come to pass without an exchange but great challenge.. but there were always those eternal prayers for the future here and the hereafter which remained without sound assurance.

Now, i pray for the breath and fire of the love of God over the muslim world, my heart aches when i see one praying on a rug, in love with God but so limited to accessing Him, the one who sits on the throne of heaven who has given us the keys to its doors thru the blood of Jesus Christ.

Indeed, it is a sweet sweet phase Paul declares “Yes, doubtless, and i count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom, i have suffered the loss of all things and do count them but filth, that i may gain Christ..”  What was there to really lose? something that never really existed, direct access to the throne and into the Father’s heart. There was never a cry for “more of God” because what was that? Only a cry for more acceptance from God, more peace, more repetitive deeds to win his heart, more of please accept my fasting, my prayers, please do this for me, spirit of spiritual poverty and pleading… No, we don’t have to beg Him to give and be good to us, He is good and He loves to give, for it is His desire to give us the kingdom (Luke 12:32).

He who is indeed compassionate and merciful which i would recite in arabic every day but He whose has set His heart on me since before time, He whose presence goes with me, whose love rains on me from heaven, this revelation i gained in Christ. How great is your love, O Lord for me for you have gathered me , and loved me with an everlasting love. To behold your majesty with my eyes, i never imagined i was worthy enough, but you showed yourself to me and called me beloved. Psalm 30:1-3.

He spoke to me in His loving kindness and i never imagined in this life that i would hear His voice, know His heart or be in His presence. He made a way as He separated the seas and directed a path, the path of destiny, not to a wilderness but thru the valley into an oasis under an open heaven.

The Fathers Heart For His Children

Tonight i felt the fathers heart on when things are taken from his children, i felt the hurt and the pain, i envisioned a basket full of water.. as the tears/wound of Gods heart, His heart is so beautiful.. He hurts when something is taken from His children, his hearts desire, his heartbeat is to lavishly give to his children the desires of thier heart. His want is to give you the desire of your heart but he doesn’t just give us the things, time and relationships lost, he multiplies the restoration, he gives back double portion, seven times more because He’s our Father. Just as He restored a double portion to Job. As surely as He has said se your heart on me, take delight in me and i will give you the desires of your heart! As surely as he has spoken, i give exceeding, abundantly, above all that you can ask or think according to my power that is at work within us. As he has said it is my desire to give you the kingdom is as surely as all His words come to pass over our life. 
I prayed for Father to do a quick work because we are in time, we feel time, He does not but Jesus knows all about that. The one who interceeds for us knows. 

God declares that in His heart, he has great wonderful plans for us. In, Jeremiah 30, it says, i will restore health to you, and your wounds,  i will heal. 

Indeed, our God is the God of all comfort.. find comfort and rest in knowing Gods plans are to restore your life.

God’s Favor Is Unceasing..

My faith is my identity. In Him is my life, and that life is the light in me. Can you imagine being threatened for your identity, hearing gossipy whispers, belittling comments, gasps with eyebrows raised, being made a spectical of or being shunned away just for who you are? I know Jesus can relate. We have to remember it’s not at us that rejection comes but at Christ Himself, the spirit that is in us is who they are rejecting for when we are what we are is because of our fullness in Him and whatever we do we do for Him, then it is Him they don’t receive. Many times, I cry out to my daddy, that I am so tired of hiding who I am, I am tired of the inevitable storm that comes everytime my identitiy is made known to the unknown. It’s painful, it hurts, Jesus is worth it. Remember what happened in the bible everytime Jesus was made known, how the pharises seeked after Him.

So many times, in the midst of shakings i’ve learned some powerful things. One, has been to worship, second has been to declare the truth in the midst of lies and third to proclaim my destiny. Worship unleashes heaven and shifts atmospheres not just in our spirit but in our surrounding. Worshiping God for the unseen is faith in Him that moves His heart. I have experienced quick changes in situations just by worship.

Declaring the truth is like shining the light into darkness, i remember one day one of the children sitting with me while i was being severly persecuted, and i turned to my child and started talking about moses, how things are not always as they seem, did it seem that when the Isrealites stood in front of the sea that they’d make it out of the hand of thier enemies? I told him this person persecuting me is not himself, the real him is a sweet, caring person whom God loves, not only was strenght stirred in my spirit but the entire atmosphere filled up with peace and the persecution stopped.

Latley, as i faced something, i remember not praying so much, not saying so much. not worshiping so much but proclaiming the things that God had spoken to me and singing a new song:

Lord you said there would be change
So let it come
Let it be
Lord, you said if i let go you’d be right there with me
So i let go
Let it come, come Lord
Let your word come, heaven come
Lord you said you didn’t like it when they said anything about me because you call me holy so why do the tongues rise
How many times are you going to renew my strenght? I’m tired of it.
Lord you said there would be change so let it come
Lord you said your word never returns void so let your word have its complete work (declaration over my spouse)
Let your word come…

As i sang this and declared and proclaimed many other things that God has spoken over my life, not only was my faith stired but things in the spirit were shifting all around me… know that when you recieve a prophecy over your life God will make it come to pass. Everything we walk thru, we gain authority over it. In all things, God is expanding our growth and growing and investing great things in us which will be used in powerful ways for the glory and advancement of the kingdom.

The Bride.

The church is on my heart tonight for God to lift up His bride.. I feel burdened for the church, they have the living God, the one who is living, powerful, glorious, and calls us friend. Yet, there are so many who just don’t get it.. I’m thinking of many things amongst which are my experiences and the things people have said to me like “o be careful if it’s a charismatic church” & “o God doesn’t speak that way” & “with God you can’t….” No, with God all.. ALL is possible, that which is not possible with men is possible with Him: Father, Son, Holy Spirit. And it is not just Father, Son or just Son or just Father it is Father, Son, HOLY SPIRIT.. I’ve seen a fear on the children of God, a fear of the most wonderful friend, the comforter, our guide, the one who reveals the Father and Son to us, the one promised by Jesus to be sent by the Father.

Has the existence of God ceased that the gifts of His spirit would cease? No. Where God is, there is power!

I saw some things on social media today about the court ruling on same sex marriages in the US. Church, God loves them, His heart is not of judgement against them, His heart is of restoration, reconciliation.. I have seen it with my eyes, gay & about to get total reconstructive surgery.. giving their lives to Jesus and preaching from the pulpit about His saving grace and glory! Come in line with the heart of God.. The intention of sending His word onto the earth to be crucified.

I reasoned with my king, indeed, the harvest is plenty and your heart is for the harvest but lift up your bride Lord, they have a great treasure at their fingertips.. Awaken their souls!

We need the bride for the harvest.. It was a pastor who spoke the light of Jesus into my life in a church and His preaching was apart of my very own salvation.

Awaken the church to not see leaders, and teachers and pastors as Jesus because there is only one Jesus.

As I started to pray, Lord use the weak, it shifted to Lord use the most theological, politically correct, philosophical, religious ones who have put you in a box with do not’s and cannot’s, set them free Lord! Break that theology and that box for the spirit of the Lord is great and as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than our ways and His thoughts than our thoughts.

PS: A rainbow does not stand for what the world says it stands for, it stands for what God has spoken that it stands for. For only He speaks things into being. And He who is not bound by time is wise in all His wisdom, let the spirit of revelation take you over and drown you so you may see with the eyes of love, He is love.

P.P.S: Sodom and Gomorrah is Old Testament before God placed our judgement on Christ. Gods heart is not to win souls by declaring His wrath but to redeem them by displaying His love.

His love is better than life

Revelation, one of the greatest treasures sometimes easy to find and sometimes buried so deep.. to be dug up may cause hurt along the way but never any the Lord cannot heal. It is after all, all about the revelation of His love, because He is love. When can someone know the depths of this “His love is better than life”,  it would take some life experiences where you draw so close to Him and realize that this life is not better than His love and presence. All goodness lies in Him.

Some time ago, the spirit of the Lord told me to put up a painting of Him walking on water in my child’s room, I did so this past Christmas, (while my spouse was away on a trip), trusting that as surely as he has spoken, he will fulfill whatever purpose he has spoken for. Recently, one morning as I woke up, I had a flash vision of that image, and I heard The Lord say “get your feet back on the water..” that morning, I went to church, it was not easy to even leave the driveway without persecution..

When I came back the painting was gone, a little while later the entire room was trashed, bibles flying all over, clothes scattered around,  broken glass from frames thrown covered the floors, other belongings tossed and broken.. Persecution released in the form of  an uncontrollable rage of anger.. not just in actions but also defiling words. In the midst of it all, I find my Fathers hands so mighty to hold me up on His hill. “If you are going to make Jesus a pain, I will show you how I will get rid of Him” was the last text msg I received amongst many others before coming home. That painting lasted on the wall 7 months. I looked at him and responded, “you cannot throw away Jesus by throwing away a piece of wood..”

After all was said and done, my spouse left the house.. when he came back during the night as my child lay down to sleep, he asked for his dad and when he came into the child’s room.. The child said “Dad, I forgive you for throwing away my things..is your foot ok from stepping on the broken glass?”

wow…

I was not in the room but I asked my child what was said and when I heard this.. I realized again, what it is to be child-like. The Word of God says, all your children shall be taught by The Lord and great shall be the peace of your children.

A lot of times when we are faced with a situation as adults, we can be quick to think or say “God when are you going to show this person what they did to me?.. ” or sometimes we’ll even feel like someone needs to be taught a lesson.. but this is not the  way of the Lord we serve. He is long-suffering, He is not one of condemnation but one who sets us free from the roots of darkness and brings us into His light separating our doings far as east from west, erased, forgotten, He calls us holy and beloved. Is that not His heart for the lost as well? I did not pray Lord open His eyes to see what he does! I prayed Lord open His eyes to see you, drown Him in your love, give him a sound mind, peace over him.

And I learned not to say “I am going thru a lot but to say it as it is.. the enemy is going thru a lot .. trying to shake me, but I stand on unshakeable ground” it takes a lot of faith and strength that come from the flow of His spirit which we draw when we sit in His presence. Releasing truth into a setting of lies always shifts the atmosphere.

I was not always this way, I use to fight back, I learned to let go and get out of God’s way. It took many trials and suffering for the Lord to put this perspective and sight in me. This character has been refined thru fire which He has walked with me thru. In my brokenness, He has sealed me with gold, indeed, grace is a supernatural phenomenon. In midst any battle, when we stand up to fight, it’s like saying “step aside Lord, I got this”.. Jesus does not need us to defend Him, He is God.

There was a time when the Lord asked me why do you pray for your spouses salvation? Is it for your life to get better or do you care for his soul? At that time I realized how immaturely i had been praying and how serious it really is.

Four days later, I sat in the same room and saw the Lord before me (He is so beautiful and glorious! so tender, so perfect, true companion)..He said “As are the tall strands of grass in a field, not one is lifted or wilted without my permission, is as I am commander over your life. As surely as the rivers flow without end are my waters over you. As surely as I died and rose again, I will raise all things that seem dead, up in your life..”

That night before going to bed I said “Jesus you are here.. literally! here! why won’t you touch my husband, what do you wait for?” He responded ” a ripe heart…”

My hope is in the Lord.. to hope in man is self-destruction, to hope in the Lord is self-renewal. I know a great word the Lord has spoken over my life is coming to pass, He has promised me that I and my household shall serve Him. He has given me dreams in the night and visions in the day.. He has stirred and captivated my heart.. In Him, I will trust for the change my soul awaits, to His word I hold Him.. and His word will return accomplishing His great purpose and will.